Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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