Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
