I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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