I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
