38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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