Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
