So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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