Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
