he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
