He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
