Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize