White coat. Heels.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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