my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
