I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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