remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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