Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
