This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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