God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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