Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
