Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
