Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize