in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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