No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
