Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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