the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
