I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
