it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
