butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
