do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
