and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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