a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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