I'm so fucking centered right now
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
