i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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