Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
