So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
why do cheetos always look like penises
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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