In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
