We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
