Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize