I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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