we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
