don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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