Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
