I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
