I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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