So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I love having hate sex.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can't put those talents on a resume
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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