those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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