I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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