so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm always down for nudity.
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