when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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