He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
