so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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