we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
