I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
