I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
