Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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