Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
