Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
