Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
