I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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