Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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