You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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