I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
