Girls should come with a carfax report
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What a dumb baby whore.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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