bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
