I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
