He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
